In
a commentary for Women's eNews, Sheila Gibbons wonders if media coverage of the soon-to-be First Lady Michelle Obama (or any other in the future) will ever move past what she wears, how she parents, and what' her favorite comfort food is.
After all, she's an attorney who graduated from Harvard Law School and was a working mother until her husband's presidential campaign took off. She is much more than "First Mom," and as Gibbons notes:
Michelle Obama's impressive life credentials alone ought to inspire inquiry about her capacity to contribute to public life in the special role she will soon have. But conventional media's view of White House occupants--a type of elected royal family--consigns the first lady to a somewhat unreal role akin to a king's consort.
A graduate of Harvard Law School, Michelle is intelligent enough and innovative enough to reshape the role of First Lady into something that more approximates the complex lives of working mothers across the country. We need a role model, and she needs a challenge. It's time for a change.
A story from the UK about a 23-year-old who looks 12 and has never reached puberty because
she's starving herself to retain a childlike appearance.
Vikki Hensley consumes less than 1,000 calories a day and weighs 77 pounds. She says she doesn't want a curvy shape because "I wouldn't feel comfortable attracting men's attention."
Like so many other professional women focused on their careers, attorney Michelle Robinson wasn't going to 'go there' when a coworker insisted that they go out on a date.
A first year associate at the law firm Sidley Austin in Chicago, she resisted the romantic overtures of the first year law student assigned to her. She'd been chosen as his advisor because they had several things in common; both had attended the same law school (Harvard) and were minority students.
Yet Michelle had formed a specific impression of him even before he stepped foot in the office. She'd seen his file and dismissed him as a "very intellectual nerd." She was prepared to be polite -- nothing more.
But when Michelle Robinson actually met Barack Obama, she was pleasantly surprised.
She tells CNN's Suzanne Malveaux, "He was cuter than I thought he'd be."
"I just found him intriguing in every way that you can imagine. He was funny, he was self-deprecating, he didn't take himself too seriously. He could laugh at himself - we clicked right away."
But she didn't date him. She passed him off to friends. Because that's what professional women focused on their careers do. "I was taking my job as an advisor -- I was his advisor -- very seriously. And it was my first responsibility as an associate....I didn't see a relationship coming out of that."
Many women in her situation say that it doesn't feel right to date someone they supervise. Understandably, that's where Michelle was coming from.
But after working with him for a month, they developed a very solid friendship. So when he asked her once again for a date and she responded, "No, it wouldn't be the right thing to do," he said, "Who cares?" She finally agreed to spend the day with him, though she refused to acknowledge it as the 'D' word. But by the end of the day, as Michelle describes it, she was 'sold.'
What was that first date like? You'll have to see the clip on CNN for all the details. In short, he played it safe by covering every base; he mixed up the day's activities with a visit to an art museum and lunch at an outdoor cafe, they took in a showing of a controversial Spike Lee film, and ended the evening with drinks on the 99th floor of a skyscraper overlooking the city lights below.
Every step of the way, he did the right thing to win her heart.
Gentlemen, take note of the President-elect's dating style. After all, Valentine's Day is just over a month away.
Barack and Michelle Obama in June 2008
Photo © Scott Olson/Getty Images
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Making promises to ourselves in the old year that we fail to keep in the new year seems like a lousy way to jump start change.
This year, I was deliberate about not contemplating resolutions until after the holidays were over. (It's like trying to decorate a home or apartment before you've moved in -- you have to inhabit the space to really understand it.) Now that I'm firmly entrenched in 2009, several issues seem much clearer.
Although I know what the word 'resolution' means, for the first time I'm seeing it as 're-solution.' And if a solution is the answer to a thorny problem or tricky question, why not focus on fresh, broad-based solutions at the start of a new year, rather than revisit past resolutions that are too specific and set you up for failure?
Here's my 5 New Year's Solutions For 2009 - a set of flexible guidelines rooted in the hard lessons of 2008:
- Buy what you can easily afford or absolutely need, not necessarily what you want. Picture yourself with your purchase 3 months, 6 months, a year, even five years down the road. Does it have long-term value, or is it an impulse purchase? Is it an essential, or is it just stuff? If it came into your home, is there something you could give up in return to keep the clutter in your life at a minimum?
- If it's too good to be true, it is. Avoid it at all costs. A real 'happily ever after' doesn't come your way without hard work, prolonged effort, and quid pro quo (this for that -- a fair exchange of goods or services). If someone's willing to give you a $350,000 mortgage and you're currently unemployed, that's too good to be true.
- Practice the 48 hour rule -- sleep on it for a couple of nights. If you're contemplating a purchase, trying to make an important decision, or involved in a heated argument, don't do anything for two days. The cooling off period gives you a chance to return to a more rational state before you decide, and it can provide a taste of how it will be to live with -- or without -- what it is that's confronting you.
- Are you doing it for you -- or for the approval/attention of others? If you could buy this thing, take this job, work on this project, or go on this vacation but not tell anyone else about what you're doing, would you still do it? If no one could ever see that expensive handbag on your shoulder or those to-die-for shoes on your feet, would they still make you happy?
- It doesn't need to be new to be new-to-you. Some of the best pieces of clothing in my closet or furniture in my home were previously owned by someone else. It's a way for me to afford enduring, good-quality items on a limited budget and indulge myself. It's also very practical. If the idea of buying used items that are big-ticket or highly personal (such as clothing) scares you, start small. In one of my favorite cookbooks, the author writes of how she's found her most useful kitchen utensils at the Salvation Army or other thrift stores; if you're squeamish about this, she recommends soaking the item in the sink with some bleach.
There are no great revelations above. Just a few simple observations gleaned from my own experiences and the advice and example of others. If you have some of your own solutions, please share your wisdom below.
It's amazing to feel the optimism and hope that 2009 is ushering in, even as many of us face stiff challenges and real problems. These are times that call for solutions, not resolutions. May one or more of the above guide you in the year ahead.
Related article: Frugality is the New Black
