Herstory Blog |
Sep 04
2007
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One man's answer to Judy Syfers' classic essay: Why I Want a WifePosted by Infogal in Sexism and Society, Men |
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Adam Ayd sent us this essay that he wrote for a school assignment back in 1995. Please feel free to comment, but to be fair, make sure you read it all the way to the end.
Why I Want A Real Wife - October 6, 1995 by Adam Ayd
A real wife - a woman who is as much of a wife as her husband is a husband.
I belong to a classification of people know as men. I am A Man who is put down so very often by women for the way that they think we treat them.
Not too long ago in AP English, I was given an assignment to read an essay by Judy Syfers called Why I Want A Wife. Although the essay was written in 1971, Syfers went on to explain what the stereotypical man would want for a perfect wife. As I read the essay, I felt offended because the fact of the matter is that most women think that men expect this, but most men actually don't. Have you read some of the headlines on women's magazines? "How to Get the Money You Deserve", "How to Cheat, and Get Away With It", and most of all, "All Men Are Pigs, the Proof on p. 130." Please! I don't treat women like this and most of my friends don't either. Bitter are we? All I want is a real wife.
I would like to go to college so I can live a better life, support myself, and support those dependent of me. I want a wife who works and can take care of the kids. I want a wife who takes care of the children's clothing, schooling, and health problems. I want a wife who will spend quality time with the children and insure a safe and happy life with them. I want a wife who will keep the children clean and make sure they are taught the proper way. I want a wife who will feed the children and make sure what they are eating is healthy. I want a wife who will make sure that the children have an adequate social life and encourages them to interact with their peers. I want a wife who will take time from her work and leisure time to be with the children.
I want a wife who will attend to my physical needs. I want a wife who will clean the house and pick up after me and the children. I want a wife who will do the laundry, and iron and mend the clothes. I want a wife who is a good cook and will cook dinner at any time. I want a wife who will go to the market when need be. I want a wife who will care for me when I am sick and sympathise with me when I am injured. I want a wife who will plan the family vacations and who will handle the monthly budget.
I want a wife who will come and talk to me about her problems and not keep them away from me. I want a wife who will listen to me when I have problems. I want a wife who will work with me through problems at work or with our children. I want a wife who will help me with abstruse problems. I want a wife who is emotionally, as well as physically strong.
I want a wife who will be a part of my social life. When my wife and I go out with friends, I want a wife who will take care of all the babysitting arrangements. When I am expecting people, I want a wife to have the house clean and to prepare and serve a special meal for my guests. I want a wife who will integrate herself into the conversation without being rude. I want a wife who likes the same things I do. I want a wife who is my best friend. I want a wife who respects my space and realizes that sometimes I need to be alone.
What I've just described to you are not just my expectations of my perfect wife, but also of me. I can only expect something from someone if they can expect it from me. Basically, I want a wife who is just like me.
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maria divina
said:
| you have an incredidle idea of a wife though a lot of smart women have these characteristics but at least at the end you have come to your senses that you can only expect something from other person if you yourself have a lot to offer. |
jenni
said:
| Given that he could have been a little more creative, but I think his heart was in the right place. That is within the narrow constructs of a man's existence. As someone else commented the roles imposed by society are as much the fault of the mothers, wives, grandmothers ect. than it is the men in the picture. I have decided to raise my kids on my own and hope it works out when I attempt to break the mold with my own children. |
William
said:
| I do believe that his heart is in the right place and I do agree that most guys do not really expect all of that from their wives. However, he nor anyone else has really taken the time to examine the fact that men themselves fall victim to the same social constructions as women. Men are trained to think the impossible list is what they want. Men didn't wake up one day and decide to create this insane criteria for a wife, culture has implanted it in both men and women's minds over centuries. As I see it, both men and women seem to willingly agree this garbage is what a wife should be and so both suffer. They suffer most because neither expresses what they really want. They don't actually know what they want, they have let culture tell them. So, how could either men or women be expected to voice any kind of an oppinion. As for me there is no list of things I want from my wife, that's not fair to the biological and psychological process of love which, by the way, was left out of both lists of what a wife/husband does for the other. Which makes sense as to why all the fighting. As long as men and women don't seem to want or expect love from one another it wont matter how progressive our next genereation of parents are nothing will change. |
jose lara
said:
| nice work dude. |
Grace
said:
| I don't think this "softens" the blow at all. Most of it is exactly like Brady's essay and I don't think this guy "gets" it. I don't think Ayd is serious when he says that these are things that he should be expected of as well. If that really is the case then he should write an essay on how he WILL do those things DESPITE the fact that the wife STILL does everything while juggling work and her social life. It's 2008. Somebody should write a 21st Century version of "Why I Want a Wife." |
Amber
said:
| Would have been more powerful if you had written it as " I want a husband who..." The difference between your wife and Syfers wife isn't much more than a softening of the blow. |
