|
Sep 04
2007
|
One man's answer to Judy Syfers' classic essay: Why I Want a WifePosted by Infogal in Sexism and Society, Men  |
|
Adam Ayd sent us this essay that he wrote for a school assignment back in 1995. Please feel free to comment, but to be fair, make sure you read it all the way to the end.
Why I Want A Real Wife - October 6, 1995 by Adam Ayd
A real wife - a woman who is as much of a wife as her husband is a husband.
I belong to a classification of people know as men. I am A Man who is put down so very often by women for the way that they think we treat them.
Not too long ago in AP English, I was given an assignment to read an essay by Judy Syfers called Why I Want A Wife. Although the essay was written in 1971, Syfers went on to explain what the stereotypical man would want for a perfect wife. As I read the essay, I felt offended because the fact of the matter is that most women think that men expect this, but most men actually don't. Have you read some of the headlines on women's magazines? "How to Get the Money You Deserve", "How to Cheat, and Get Away With It", and most of all, "All Men Are Pigs, the Proof on p. 130." Please! I don't treat women like this and most of my friends don't either. Bitter are we? All I want is a real wife.
I would like to go to college so I can live a better life, support myself, and support those dependent of me. I want a wife who works and can take care of the kids. I want a wife who takes care of the children's clothing, schooling, and health problems. I want a wife who will spend quality time with the children and insure a safe and happy life with them. I want a wife who will keep the children clean and make sure they are taught the proper way. I want a wife who will feed the children and make sure what they are eating is healthy. I want a wife who will make sure that the children have an adequate social life and encourages them to interact with their peers. I want a wife who will take time from her work and leisure time to be with the children.
I want a wife who will attend to my physical needs. I want a wife who will clean the house and pick up after me and the children. I want a wife who will do the laundry, and iron and mend the clothes. I want a wife who is a good cook and will cook dinner at any time. I want a wife who will go to the market when need be. I want a wife who will care for me when I am sick and sympathise with me when I am injured. I want a wife who will plan the family vacations and who will handle the monthly budget.
I want a wife who will come and talk to me about her problems and not keep them away from me. I want a wife who will listen to me when I have problems. I want a wife who will work with me through problems at work or with our children. I want a wife who will help me with abstruse problems. I want a wife who is emotionally, as well as physically strong.
I want a wife who will be a part of my social life. When my wife and I go out with friends, I want a wife who will take care of all the babysitting arrangements. When I am expecting people, I want a wife to have the house clean and to prepare and serve a special meal for my guests. I want a wife who will integrate herself into the conversation without being rude. I want a wife who likes the same things I do. I want a wife who is my best friend. I want a wife who respects my space and realizes that sometimes I need to be alone.
What I've just described to you are not just my expectations of my perfect wife, but also of me. I can only expect something from someone if they can expect it from me. Basically, I want a wife who is just like me.
TrackBack URI for this entry
Subscribe to this comment's feed
Brenda
said:
|
As I read the essay, I felt offended because the fact of the matter is that most women think that men expect this, but most men actually don't. That's a sweeping generalization. It's nearly impossible to say what most women think men expect, or what most men actually think, especially as a lot of our "thinking" is subconscious. Don't be offended by the original essay, Adam. It's not about you. It's about realizing that expectations of women in the home have historically been different than those of men, and that that past is still part of what shapes us as a society today. |
|
|
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
Nancy
said:
| I read the original essay in college, some 25 years ago, and it stayed with me all this time. It resonates even more now that I am a wife and mother. What I find interesting about this response is that the writer is obviously not yet married, so I am a cynic. I'm sure most people believe in this ideal...marrying someone just like myself, to share in the responsibilities. But if this were truly the case, my married friends and I would not have so many similar stories about our husbands...and how many times we are taking care of them as if we are their mothers instead of their wives. I really hope that Adam becomes a true partner to his future wife. But the reality is that he will probably end up marrying someone who takes care of him...much like his mother did. And she, too, will wish she had a wife. :-) | |
|
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
ellen
said:
| I find it interesting that what both articles describe as a wife could almost be seen as a parent as well. I think the real difference is that in Ayd's article his relationship to the parent is more mature. However what he does not take into account, and will never acknowledge, is that due to societal mores if anything ever goes wrong in his home, it is his wife that will get the blame, not him. Until society holds men to the same high standards that women are, we will all need wives to help us live our lives. | |
|
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
Lee Jung-ju
said:
|
I am a Korean Student, Jung-ju. While I read a book which A people`s history of the United States written by Howard Zinn who is professor of Boston University, I could assumed how was unfair between man and women, also there were more unfair problem kind race, ethnic, level as economical abilities. I understand a little why Judy wrote that essay. I guess most of all know those situation changed a lot. It doesn`t exist anymore like extremely profitable for man. In Korea, the rate of women get good job is getting increase, in particular, field of teacher, pharmacist, restaurant etc. we are same worse in economic status, so hard to get a job at all. I think that it is good way to respect each other. Also, the man should protect women as admitting different inborn. So, we should point out respect each other but claim something as separate gender. Nowadays, it depends on if who lead their family economy. I wish when think about fair between man and women, keep honor to another then do weight at budget made by whom in this time. |
|
|
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
Adam Ayd
said:
| Jane, I didn't miss the point, but guilty of not conveying the point adequately. My point is that I do expect those things from my wife, JUST as she can expect them from me. The point of the essay was to seem as chauvinistic as the original essay until the very end. My last paragraph should have been more elaborate in explaining the fact that I can't expect anything from my wife that she can't expect from me (outside of the physical impossibility to bear child). | |
|
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
Jane
said:
| You missed the point. You still put all the housework and child rearing responsibilities off on the woman as if you have no responsibilities to pick up after yourself help prepare a meal or take time off your job or school for your kids. Also you didn't mention taking care of your wife when she is sick or making special meals for her friends and entertaining when her friends come over. Nope missed the whole freaking point. Good job for nothing imbecile. | |
|
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
Adam Ayd
said:
Funny enough, I had become so busy with work that I had lost touch with sending this in. I really appreciate all the compliments and criticism. Honestly at the time being 17 I was truely struct by Judy's essay. I came from a family of a working step-father and working mother. We didn't have much, but we were happy. But in the end of it all, I realized even at that age that everything between my mother and step-father was shared. My step-father never came home and sat in his chair demanding things from my mother - nor did she. In reality I was raised that no one in the family was better than the other and all shared in work and in pleasure. I truely believe that the values instilled in me by my mother and step-father made me a better person today. At no time do I ever demand the social stereotypes of a 1971 woman on my current girlfriend or will I ever. Oddly enough, she found this when she googled me and was quite taken. Thanks again for all your comments!!! I'm not much of a writer by any means, but sometimes I spew words when I feel passionate enough about something  |
|
|
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
Joe Cool
said:
|
(that is a joke, my real first name is Marlowe - but I'm a guy) All the other stuff is great, I did read all of it, but I also have a piece to add myself. Did you ever consider what kind of pressure is put upon men by our socity? "We" are expected to . . . Be good at sports Have a strong body Be able to fix cars, leaky roofs, other household stuff (be a handyman) Listen to our wives problems and sympthoise with them (important) Have a job that not only supports basic need, some luxuries, but make money Spend time with our kids (ya, thats important) Make a computer do ___________ Go out with our 'buddies' multipule times a week Go out with our wives multiple times a week Be a great cook on the stove, grill, over a fire, ect. Excell at Reading, Writing, Math, Sciance (our choice - must chose one) Shut up when we are disturbing our wife who is on the phone (and has ben for the past 3 hours) - I realise not all women do this Be able to down a 72oz stake in about 30 seconds Be home every night for a family activity Be home every night for a husband/wife activity Be at work for just the amount of time it takes to get the job done - like were susposed to be physic Go fishing/hunting on the weekends (optional) Go fishing/hunting on every 3 day+ weekend (manditory) Don't do anything or have anything planed when our wives or kids wish to do something this weekend (its friday night - like 1930hrs) Go to collage (unless you have a docterin- then pick up a second job) ***I realise that not everyone has all of those 'requirements' for men, and some are exrated, but walk a couple of gulf corses getting at least 1 eagle per course in a man's shoes. ****** most of the above is a joke, but open your minds - men are changing & women are changing. Men realise that women are people too who can do almost all the same stuff men can(think about that) - open your minds, get a clue, there are more 'stay at home' dads then ever before & more women in the work force. |
|
|
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
maria divina
said:
| you have an incredidle idea of a wife though a lot of smart women have these characteristics but at least at the end you have come to your senses that you can only expect something from other person if you yourself have a lot to offer. | |
|
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
jenni
said:
| Given that he could have been a little more creative, but I think his heart was in the right place. That is within the narrow constructs of a man's existence. As someone else commented the roles imposed by society are as much the fault of the mothers, wives, grandmothers ect. than it is the men in the picture. I have decided to raise my kids on my own and hope it works out when I attempt to break the mold with my own children. | |
|
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
William
said:
| I do believe that his heart is in the right place and I do agree that most guys do not really expect all of that from their wives. However, he nor anyone else has really taken the time to examine the fact that men themselves fall victim to the same social constructions as women. Men are trained to think the impossible list is what they want. Men didn't wake up one day and decide to create this insane criteria for a wife, culture has implanted it in both men and women's minds over centuries. As I see it, both men and women seem to willingly agree this garbage is what a wife should be and so both suffer. They suffer most because neither expresses what they really want. They don't actually know what they want, they have let culture tell them. So, how could either men or women be expected to voice any kind of an oppinion. As for me there is no list of things I want from my wife, that's not fair to the biological and psychological process of love which, by the way, was left out of both lists of what a wife/husband does for the other. Which makes sense as to why all the fighting. As long as men and women don't seem to want or expect love from one another it wont matter how progressive our next genereation of parents are nothing will change. | |
|
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
Grace
said:
|
I don't think this "softens" the blow at all. Most of it is exactly like Brady's essay and I don't think this guy "gets" it. I don't think Ayd is serious when he says that these are things that he should be expected of as well. If that really is the case then he should write an essay on how he WILL do those things DESPITE the fact that the wife STILL does everything while juggling work and her social life. It's 2008. Somebody should write a 21st Century version of "Why I Want a Wife." |
|
|
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
Amber
said:
|
Would have been more powerful if you had written it as " I want a husband who..." The difference between your wife and Syfers wife isn't much more than a softening of the blow. |
|
|
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
